There are media days. Ohhhhhh there are media days; so many media days. They really serve no purpose other than to provide the requisite quotes for the fluff-tastic previews that will fill the ether between now and six weeks from now (!!!) and thus must be taken very seriously.
This is exactly what happened today (in my mind):
Kevin Sumlin: "Coachspeak coachspeak coachspeak coachspeak. Exciting coachspeak. Up-tempo coachspeak. Coachspeak coachspeak coachspeak coachspeak coachspeak coachspeak coachspeak coachspeak coachspeak coachspeak coachspeak coachspeak coachspeak coachspeak coachspeak coachspeak."
Les Miles: "Gox in socks. Pancakes. Roller derby. Gunner Kiel rabble rabble. HAHAHA! Any questions?"
John L. Smith:
Nick Saban: /holds mind-blowingly smug smirk for 12 consecutive minutes without blinking or breathing or showing any visible signs of human life.
James Franklin: "I just saw Erin Andrews. Nice."
Steve Spurrier: "Ole Miss blows." /outsmirks Nick Saban
Mark Richt: "I'm not Mitt Romney and strongly resent your implications otherwise."
Gene Chizik: /drops Bobby Lowder's checkbook
/picks up checkbook
/runs from dais
Will Muschamp: "AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! I JUST ATE KEVIN SUMLIN'S FACE!!!"
Derek Dooley: /fired
Gary Pinkel: "Tee hee hee." /passes out
Hugh Freeze: "Aaaand YOU get an offer and YOU get an offer and YOU get an offer and YOU get an offer and YOU get an offer and YOU get an offer and YOU get an offer and YOU get an offer and YOU get an offer and YOU get an offer."
Dan Mullen: "Thank the Lord I didn't take that Penn State job, amirite?"
Joker Phillips: "..."
Moderator: "Thank y'all for coming. Enjoy Hoover (pffffft)."
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