Saturday, March 31, 2012

Catching up is wary of turkey vultures

Bacarri Rambo enjoys the breakfast of champions: As you might or might not have heard, Georgia is dealing with some not-insignificant suspensions right now. The story:

ATHENS, Ga. -- Bulldogs safety Bacarri Rambo and linebacker Alec Ogletree will be suspended to start the 2012 season, a source at the University of Georgia confirmed to DawgNation Wednesday.

The news follows a report on Georgia's site,, that the two defensive starters had broken unnamed team rules and will miss anywhere from two to four games while serving their suspensions .

Rambo was suspended for the Bulldogs' opener against Boise State last season for an unnamed rules violation but still earned All-America honors while leading the SEC with eight interceptions. Ogletree missed six games last season with a broken foot but still ranked among the team's breakout stars on defense, leading Georgia in tackles in each of the last five games.

Georgia still hasn't confirmed anything but doesn't really need to anymore; Rambo's high school coach provided all the details Saturday, with the most interesting part being that the suspension is for four games and the most hilarious part being everything else:
Georgia's Bacarri Rambo failed a drug test after he inadvertently ate marijuana-laced brownies on a spring-break trip to Florida, his high school coach said Thursday. The All-American safety faces a four-game suspension at the start of next season.

Alan Ingram, Rambo's coach at Seminole County High School in Donalsonville, Ga., said the player told him the positive test occurred after he got back from a trip to Panama City, Fla., with two friends over the recent break.

''Two of 'em came back to the room, but the other kid got off with some other folks and came in later,'' Ingram told The Associated Press in a telephone interview. ''Bacarri was the first one up the next morning, went to the refrigerator and got a glass of milk, then saw a package on the counter with brownies in it. He ate two of the brownies and almost immediately started feeling funny. He got high off it. Then the other guy came in and told him, 'Hey, those aren't yours. I got them last night.'"
Derpity derp. I would find this laughable in an unfortunate sense rather than laughable in a stupid sense if not for the fact that Rambo was suspended for last year's opener against Boise for what Ingram called "another inadvertent brush with marijuana." I'm skeptical; avoiding weed isn't really that hard. It also might not be a coincidence that corner Branden Smith was arrested a couple weeks ago on his way to Panama City (hmmm) with a "baseball-sized package of marijuana" in his car, which got him a one-game suspension.

Speaking of which, Georgia is gonna start the season down three of its four starters in the secondary since Smith is out for one game, Rambo's out for four and corner Sanders Commings is out for two thanks to a "domestic dispute." That'd probably be more of a concern if the schedule didn't start out as follows: Buffalo, at Missouri, Florida Atlantic, Vanderbilt. Daunting.

Al Golden is intrigued by your girth: I'm gonna go ahead and assume Miami's depth on the O-line is suboptimal:

What's more amusing to me than the poster-type thing itself is the ridiculousness of the physical specs listed. I mean, I realize Miami doesn't have a massive student body proportional to its typical football expectations, but there's no freakin' way anybody in the 230-240 range is gonna be a legitimate option on a D-I offensive line. Desperation apparently knows no limits other than the 6-foot-1 one, which would have been really inconvenient for David Molk if he'd have gone to Miami instead of winning the Rimington Award at Michigan last year.

Tee Shepard has a heart condition: What the headline says. The link is ESPN Insider (for some reason), but here's the quote(s) that kinda explains why the kid bailed on Notre Dame a couple weeks ago:
"I didn't know what to do next, so I dropped out of school. ...

“Right now I’m just working on my health. It’s not something that’s an issue, it’s just something I’ve got to get to the point where I can pass a physical again. My plan is to pick a new college in May. I’m not sure how the process works to go to another school, but I want to go somewhere closer to home.”
The thing nobody other than Shepard knows is exactly how serious his condition is; he says it's "not something that's an issue" but then says he can't pass a physical, and a heart condition isn't the kind of thing you can work off at the gym. So that's pretty confusing.

Regardless, it sounds like he's done at Notre Dame. He'll presumably be of interest to a lot of California-area schools if he gets himself cleared to play by a non-Dr. Nick-caliber doctor, but whether that happens is anyone's guess. Best of luck to him (don't be Hank Gathers plzkthx).

How will the players find their helmets? Just look at the picture:

Yeeeeaaaaaahhh. Those are pretty awful but do have enough of a background story that they make more sense than anything Nike's ever done:
... the Hokies will wear (the camoflauge helmet) for Military Appreciation Night on Sept. 22 against Bowling Green. Those helmets are part of the fundraiser Tech is doing with the Wounded Warrior Projects. The goal is to raise $25,000 for the foundation by selling camouflage hats at local bookstores and online.
It should be noted that Virginia Tech is one of the six military colleges in the country; they can do things with camo and whatnot and not have said things come across as totally stupid. But I'm envisioning the game usage going something like this:

On a related note, a billion points to the author of that story for his usage of "embiggen" in copy. I love it.

Insert Ohio joke here: You've seen this ridiculous-looking gentleman if you've ever watched an Ohio State game:

He is almost definitely an odd guy. This is DEFINITELY DEFINITELY an odd story:
Ohio State “super fan” Buck i Guy said on Tuesday that his friends saved his life after what he called a freak accident.

John Chubb said that while he was driving home from Pittsburgh after the Buckeyes’ win over Gonzaga, something flew toward his car while he was traveling along Interstate 79.

“Out of my peripheral vision, I (saw) something in our airspace, and it was a turkey,” Chubb said. “I’ve never seen anything like that, and I said, ‘Lonnie, do you see that big old bird?’ and bam, that’s the end of the story as I know it.”

Chubb said that the bird crashed through his windshield and knocked him unconscious.

According to Chubb, his friend, a retired Columbus firefighter, grabbed the steering wheel and brought the car to a stop.
LOLWUT? I don't even know what to say here other than to clarify that I have never trained turkey vultures. I swear.

Only in Alabama (or possibly Ohio): I'm not kidding about the Alabama thing:
... of the approximately 60 suggestions received from the public (for Montgomery's new eastside high school), Nick Saban High is on the list. It was among the many intriguing and thought-provoking ideas submitted.
But wait; there's more! The justification for not naming a high school after a college football coach who's widely regarded as a terrible human being and has never spent more than six years at any one place:
Montgomery Public Schools spokesman Tom Salter, who was on the naming committee, said he certainly learned a lot during the process. But when grilled about the potential of a Saban High, he chose his words carefully.

"As big as an Alabama fan as I am, it would likely not be an appropriate choice, especially this close to the Plains,” he said.
Great googly moogly. The amazing part isn't that Nick Saban High School apparently seemed like a reasonable proposal but that the only reason it got shot down was the potential for stabbiness in Auburn country. Translation: "'Round these parts, we don't give a damn 'bout cultural relevance. Roll Tide!"

The video that still haunts me: I'm not gonna lie: The headline "Girls' Generation Tigerhawk Connection Explained" excited me a lot. I mean ...

... yeah. This needs an explanation.

Sadly, the explanation linked above is not so much an explanation as it is some quality BHGP humor. Or maybe that's not sad; I dunno. My brain is no longer functioning because it's filled with Iowa-helmet-related nonsense.


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