Catching up obviously needs an "M" hologram

Because, I mean, obviously: Michigan and Notre Dame announced this week that this year's game will be another under-the-lights edition, which is thoroughly unsurprising given last year's awesomeness and the accompanying ratings bonanza (check out this chart that shows the top six highest-rated games of the year).

It's also not that big a deal since it's at Notre Dame -- the night games there are slightly more frequent than they are in Ann Arbor -- but it'll be the first Michigan-Notre Dame night game in South Bend since way back in 1990. In case you're under the age of 30, that's when ND was actually good (zing!).

Tee Shepard is no mas: Speaking of Notre Dame, there might be some depth issues in the secondary this year. Tee Shepard, arguably the top cornerback recruit in the country, enrolled in school early and lasted all of two months before withdrawing and heading home to NorCal this week. Details are a little sketchy:

Shepard's dad Ray told me today his son is back because of health issues.

Ray Shepard would not tell me what happened to his son, but did tell me he hopes Tee will be cleared to resume working out sometime in May or June.

I was told Tee was expected to challenge for a starting spot in the Fighting Irish secondary, but he will not return to Notre Dame.

Shepard is undecided as to where he will play this season. He's just focusing on his health for now.

That's ... umm ... odd. He shouldn't have much trouble finding a spot when he's ready to play again (assume he's healthy enough in the relatively near future). Totally baseless speculation has him considering Houston because of his cousin, top-100 receiver recruit Deontay Greenberry, who was committed to Notre Dame all winter and then flipped to Houston on Signing Day. We'll see.

As for Notre Dame, there are now four scholarship corners on the roster, none of whom will ever look for the ball under any circumstances since they play for Notre Dame.

They still don't get it: Prepare to facepalm ...

A new poll released Friday shows Pennsylvania's registered voters favor renaming Penn State's football stadium in honor of longtime coach Joe Paterno, who died in January.

The Quinnipiac University survey found that 46 percent of those polled thought the school should rename Beaver Stadium, while 40 percent were opposed.

... aaaand go! Please explain me to how anyone with a brain could consider this to be an appropriate time to put Joe Paterno's name on a huge and public-facing thing at Penn State, especially a thing that's currently named after a former governor of Pennsylvania (the spectacularly named James Beaver from way back in the old-timey-mustache days). Please note that this poll was not exclusive to moronic college students and actually got its most lopsided support numbers from people who are "very or somewhat interested in college football" or over age 65. Argh.

Perhaps this should be revisited in 10 years, when it'll be a little easier (in theory) to zoom out and consider exactly how Joe Paterno should be remembered/recognized at Penn State. Until then, the same-as-always takeaway is this: People are stupid.

She didn't make it: Barring an Iowa-tailback-level depth-chart cratering, women's soccer player Mo Isom won't be kicking for LSU this year:

“We reviewed her skill, the things she can do and do well,” LSU coach Les Miles. “We kind of felt like there’s four guys on the team right now that would be ahead of anybody that tried out the other day, including Mo. I told her that today.”

“She’s going to go back and concentrate on extra points and field goals. She did not want to take that she couldn’t make the team. She said, 'Do I get another opportunity if I get a lot better?’ I said ‘Sure.’”

Miles also made a comment about the kicker needing be capable of making a tackle, but I kinda doubt that'd be an issue if she were really the best kicker since last year's kickoff guy (Drew Alleman) has one career tackle listed in the NCAA database. Kicking is kicking; there are just guys better than her, which is fine. I have nothing snarky to add here.

You know you want it: ESPN published its obligatory "Rich Rodriguez starting over" piece the other day and actually got some pretty good stuff out of Ivan Maisel. It's a lot deeper than most of the typical spring-practice fluff pieces, probably because RichRod will tell you whatever you want to know and let you watch whatever you want to watch (even to his own detriment). There's some behind-the-scenes stuff from staff meetings and some quotes that fall slightly outside the range of coachspeak; the whole thing's worth a read. Teaser quote:

"I have to remind myself it's the first spring," Rodriguez said. "This is the sixth place I've put the system in. I've learned to be more patient in installation. Today is the simplest first day. My hope is we don't have to sacrifice tempo. People say teach them slowly. But it's always easier to slow down than it is to speed up."

One more amusing tidbit: The UA coaching staff has a swear jar that requires a $1-per-word contribution. Rodriguez either isn't participating or is just redirecting his salary straight to the jar.

A totally reasonable purchase: Darren McFadden has a lot of money. I know he has a lot of money not because I googled the details of his massive contract but because he apparently had $90,000 to spend on this thing:

That's a diamond-and-sapphire-loaded hologram pendant that displays the Arkansas logo and/or his pro number, depending on the viewing angle.

I'm not sure whether I'm more amazed that a holographic logo pendant made out of diamonds exists or that somebody paid $90,000 to have it made and presumably wear it. Mind-bottling.

Catching up is wary of turkey vultures

Bacarri Rambo enjoys the breakfast of champions: As you might or might not have heard, Georgia is dealing with some not-insignificant suspensions right now. The story:

ATHENS, Ga. -- Bulldogs safety Bacarri Rambo and linebacker Alec Ogletree will be suspended to start the 2012 season, a source at the University of Georgia confirmed to DawgNation Wednesday.

The news follows a report on Georgia's Scout.com site, dawgpost.com, that the two defensive starters had broken unnamed team rules and will miss anywhere from two to four games while serving their suspensions .

Rambo was suspended for the Bulldogs' opener against Boise State last season for an unnamed rules violation but still earned All-America honors while leading the SEC with eight interceptions. Ogletree missed six games last season with a broken foot but still ranked among the team's breakout stars on defense, leading Georgia in tackles in each of the last five games.

Georgia still hasn't confirmed anything but doesn't really need to anymore; Rambo's high school coach provided all the details Saturday, with the most interesting part being that the suspension is for four games and the most hilarious part being everything else:

Georgia's Bacarri Rambo failed a drug test after he inadvertently ate marijuana-laced brownies on a spring-break trip to Florida, his high school coach said Thursday. The All-American safety faces a four-game suspension at the start of next season.

Alan Ingram, Rambo's coach at Seminole County High School in Donalsonville, Ga., said the player told him the positive test occurred after he got back from a trip to Panama City, Fla., with two friends over the recent break.

''Two of 'em came back to the room, but the other kid got off with some other folks and came in later,'' Ingram told The Associated Press in a telephone interview. ''Bacarri was the first one up the next morning, went to the refrigerator and got a glass of milk, then saw a package on the counter with brownies in it. He ate two of the brownies and almost immediately started feeling funny. He got high off it. Then the other guy came in and told him, 'Hey, those aren't yours. I got them last night.'"

Derpity derp. I would find this laughable in an unfortunate sense rather than laughable in a stupid sense if not for the fact that Rambo was suspended for last year's opener against Boise for what Ingram called "another inadvertent brush with marijuana." I'm skeptical; avoiding weed isn't really that hard. It also might not be a coincidence that corner Branden Smith was arrested a couple weeks ago on his way to Panama City (hmmm) with a "baseball-sized package of marijuana" in his car, which got him a one-game suspension.

Speaking of which, Georgia is gonna start the season down three of its four starters in the secondary since Smith is out for one game, Rambo's out for four and corner Sanders Commings is out for two thanks to a "domestic dispute." That'd probably be more of a concern if the schedule didn't start out as follows: Buffalo, at Missouri, Florida Atlantic, Vanderbilt. Daunting.

Al Golden is intrigued by your girth: I'm gonna go ahead and assume Miami's depth on the O-line is suboptimal:

What's more amusing to me than the poster-type thing itself is the ridiculousness of the physical specs listed. I mean, I realize Miami doesn't have a massive student body proportional to its typical football expectations, but there's no freakin' way anybody in the 230-240 range is gonna be a legitimate option on a D-I offensive line. Desperation apparently knows no limits other than the 6-foot-1 one, which would have been really inconvenient for David Molk if he'd have gone to Miami instead of winning the Rimington Award at Michigan last year.

Tee Shepard has a heart condition: What the headline says. The link is ESPN Insider (for some reason), but here's the quote(s) that kinda explains why the kid bailed on Notre Dame a couple weeks ago:

"I didn't know what to do next, so I dropped out of school. ...

“Right now I’m just working on my health. It’s not something that’s an issue, it’s just something I’ve got to get to the point where I can pass a physical again. My plan is to pick a new college in May. I’m not sure how the process works to go to another school, but I want to go somewhere closer to home.”

The thing nobody other than Shepard knows is exactly how serious his condition is; he says it's "not something that's an issue" but then says he can't pass a physical, and a heart condition isn't the kind of thing you can work off at the gym. So that's pretty confusing.

Regardless, it sounds like he's done at Notre Dame. He'll presumably be of interest to a lot of California-area schools if he gets himself cleared to play by a non-Dr. Nick-caliber doctor, but whether that happens is anyone's guess. Best of luck to him (don't be Hank Gathers plzkthx).

How will the players find their helmets? Just look at the picture:

Yeeeeaaaaaahhh. Those are pretty awful but do have enough of a background story that they make more sense than anything Nike's ever done:

... the Hokies will wear (the camoflauge helmet) for Military Appreciation Night on Sept. 22 against Bowling Green. Those helmets are part of the fundraiser Tech is doing with the Wounded Warrior Projects. The goal is to raise $25,000 for the foundation by selling camouflage hats at local bookstores and online.

It should be noted that Virginia Tech is one of the six military colleges in the country; they can do things with camo and whatnot and not have said things come across as totally stupid. But I'm envisioning the game usage going something like this:

On a related note, a billion points to the author of that story for his usage of "embiggen" in copy. I love it.

Insert Ohio joke here: You've seen this ridiculous-looking gentleman if you've ever watched an Ohio State game:

He is almost definitely an odd guy. This is DEFINITELY DEFINITELY an odd story:

Ohio State “super fan” Buck i Guy said on Tuesday that his friends saved his life after what he called a freak accident.

John Chubb said that while he was driving home from Pittsburgh after the Buckeyes’ win over Gonzaga, something flew toward his car while he was traveling along Interstate 79.

“Out of my peripheral vision, I (saw) something in our airspace, and it was a turkey,” Chubb said. “I’ve never seen anything like that, and I said, ‘Lonnie, do you see that big old bird?’ and bam, that’s the end of the story as I know it.”

Chubb said that the bird crashed through his windshield and knocked him unconscious.

According to Chubb, his friend, a retired Columbus firefighter, grabbed the steering wheel and brought the car to a stop.

LOLWUT? I don't even know what to say here other than to clarify that I have never trained turkey vultures. I swear.

Only in Alabama (or possibly Ohio): I'm not kidding about the Alabama thing:

... of the approximately 60 suggestions received from the public (for Montgomery's new eastside high school), Nick Saban High is on the list. It was among the many intriguing and thought-provoking ideas submitted.

But wait; there's more! The justification for not naming a high school after a college football coach who's widely regarded as a terrible human being and has never spent more than six years at any one place:

Montgomery Public Schools spokesman Tom Salter, who was on the naming committee, said he certainly learned a lot during the process. But when grilled about the potential of a Saban High, he chose his words carefully.

"As big as an Alabama fan as I am, it would likely not be an appropriate choice, especially this close to the Plains,” he said.

Great googly moogly. The amazing part isn't that Nick Saban High School apparently seemed like a reasonable proposal but that the only reason it got shot down was the potential for stabbiness in Auburn country. Translation: "'Round these parts, we don't give a damn 'bout cultural relevance. Roll Tide!"

The video that still haunts me: I'm not gonna lie: The headline "Girls' Generation Tigerhawk Connection Explained" excited me a lot. I mean ...


... yeah. This needs an explanation.

Sadly, the explanation linked above is not so much an explanation as it is some quality BHGP humor. Or maybe that's not sad; I dunno. My brain is no longer functioning because it's filled with Iowa-helmet-related nonsense.

Catching up has lost control of the program

Aaron Lynch is officially gone: Aaron Lynch was one of Notre Dame's three or four best players last year as a true freshman; he's no longer one of Notre Dame's three or four best players since he no longer plays for Notre Dame. Details:

Notre Dame announced Friday that standout defensive end Aaron Lynch is transferring out of the program and plans to return to Florida, his home state.

"Aaron recently approached me about his desire to leave Notre Dame and return to Florida," coach Brian Kelly said in a release.

This is significant for a couple reasons, the first being that Lynch had 5.5 sacks, seven tackles for loss and 33 tackles last year after coming in as one of the top recruits in the country. He's not readily replaceable despite the existence of the talented-on-paper guys behind him on the depth chart, none of whom have done much of anything in their careers since they play defense for Notre Dame (zing!). The second is that Notre Dame is turning into Cuba; I've honestly lost track of the number of guys who have bailed in the past three months (Dayne Crist, Mike Ragone, Deontay Greenberry, Tee Shepard, Aaron Lynch, et al). All those transfers are explainable in and of themselves but are contributing to the ever-darkening cloud over Brian Kelly that won't go away until he wins and wins a lot.

The circumstances behind the Lynch thing were also kinda weird since Lynch had been making comments all spring about his homesickness and whatnot, which led to a bunch of rumors:

What started with an excusal from practice last Wednesday and Kelly denying that Lynch quit the team ended nine days later with the head coach beginning a last-minute press conference moments after Lynch's release by saying: "As you know, Aaron Lynch has quit the football team."

Derp.

As for Lynch, word has it that he's headed to South Florida once he gets his release. Assuming that's accurate, he'd have to sit out the upcoming season (he's got a redshirt available) but would have three years left to dominate the Big East starting in 2013.

Obligatory Brian Kelly gif goes here:

Perfect.

I'm shocked and appalled: This is relatively old news now but is worth discussion: Urban Meyer had some issues at Florida, and by "had some issues" I mean "might have had absolutely zero control over what happened with his team."

The thirty-some drug arrests were pretty well documented but not as interesting from a football standpoint as some of the other stuff that The Sporting News published last weekend. A brief summary of said stuff:

• Percy Harvin, Aaron Hernandez and Brandon Spikes missed the 2008 season opener against Hawaii with "injuries" that were actually failed drug tests. Relevant quote: “They were running with us on the first team all week in practice,” one former player said. “The next thing you know, they’re on the sidelines with a (walking) boot for the season opener like they were injured. Of course players see that and respond to it."
• Conditioning was apparently whatever Percy Harvin wanted it to be. Matt Hayes relays an account from a former player about the team running steps during offseason conditioning when Percy Harvin sits down, refuses to continue and tells the coaches, "This (expletive) ends now." Result: “The next day,” a former player said, “we were playing basketball as conditioning" Hilarious.
• The pure volume of failed drug tests is amazing. Name an All-American at Florida (other than Tim Tebow, obviously); that guy tested positive for marijuana at some point during his career or at the combine or both. And yes, this is coming from somebody who realizes that like 75 percent of the population under the age of 25 smokes pot. It apparently was so bad that Will Muschamp brought in Bill Belichik to talk to the guys he inherited about NFL teams not wanting dudes who are high all the time.
  
• Safety Bryan Thomas was asked to "move on" to free up a scholarship after the 2008 season. He refused because he was on track to graduate the next year and threatened to "tell everybody everything" if forced out. The next day, he was given a medical hardship waiver. He ended up graduating (after three years), transferring to North Alabama and being named all-conference in each of his last two seasons. That's some Nick Saban-esque scholarship allotment.
  

So ... umm ... yeah. None of those things are totally shocking but cumulatively tell a story of something resembling a real-life version of The Program.

Meyer has since come out and issued some non-denial denials about how they were all "great kids" and there are "no issues with Urban Meyer and the NCAA" and blah blah blah. There's also no official comment from Harvin or anybody else other than some presumably disgruntled players who are talking about stuff that's pretty shady but not necessarily uncommon (lol SEC). Your interpretation of the story probably depends a lot on how much you love/hate Florida/Ohio State.

IMO, this quote from Bryan Thomas pretty well summarizes things:

“As far as coaching, there’s no one else like (Meyer); he’s a great coach,” Thomas said. “He gets players to do things you never thought you could do. But he’s a bad person. He’ll win at Ohio State. But if he doesn’t change, they’re going to have the same problems.”

Bingo.

Ronald Powell goes down: Former uber-recruit Ronald Powell has had his ascension to awesomeness at Florida briefly interrupted:

The school announced Monday that Powell, who led the Gators with six sacks in 2011, suffered a torn ACL in his left knee during Saturday's spring game and will miss four to six months.

Ouch. Powell had six sacks and nine tackles for loss last year as a true sophomore at defensive end/outside linebacker and was the defensive MVP in both of Florida's two spring scrimmages this year. He also was the consensus top recruit in the country in 2010; he's not lacking talent.

The question now is whether he's out for the season or if he's really only out for four to six months, which seems unreasonably optimistic since that would have him back in about September. I'm skeptical. Missing any amount of time will be relatively damaging to a defense that was really good last year but doesn't have a comparable pass rusher. The potential replacements are guys like redshirt sophomore Gideon Agajbe and junior Larentee McCray, who have pretty limited meaningful experience and nothing resembling Powell's raw talent.

It sounds like there'll be a more specific timetable after Powell's surgery, which won't happen until after the swelling in his knee goes down. Unfortunate.

Speaking of injuries: Colorado is down its best receiver:

Junior wide receiver Paul Richardson suffered a torn knee ligament Monday and will miss the 2012 season. The injury occurred during a non-contact special teams drill.

Richardson missed four games last year with a sprained knee but still had 39 catches for 555 yards and five touchdowns, and he had similar numbers as a true freshman. He's pretty good. Toney Clemons and Logan Gray were the other starting wideouts last year but are both out of eligibility, which leaves ... ummm ... ??? There are a couple of sophomores who got insignificant playing time last year and then nothing.

Given that the quarterback situation looks potentially disastrous and Rodney Stewart has finally graduated after roughly 11 years as the starting running back, adjust your expectations for the Colorado offense from "not good" to "craptacular."

Steve Spurrier can still be an a-hole: This is the OBC's hilariously unfiltered response to an ESPN question about his feelings on the South Carolina-Georgia game getting pushed back to midseason:

“I don’t know. I sort of always liked playing them that second game because you could always count on them having two or three key players suspended.”

LOL WWWHHEEEEEEE!!! I have nothing to add here.

Mizzou is no longer color-distorted Michigan: Missouri unveiled some new unis this week that aren't hugely different except for OMG WHAT IS ON THE ALTERNATE HELMET:

The block M is no more; this is not particularly surprising seeing as how Mizzou has been fazing it out for a while due to the typical association with Michigan (Jerel Worthy says hai). I'm on board with that aspect but think the tiger logo is a little overdone and would look cleaner if it had the oval outline that appears on the black helmets and the jersey crest. That said, as far as Nike overhauls go, this one's pretty benign since I can still identify the team, which is always a plus. I'm reserving judgment on the yellow jerseys until I see them in use.

More weird uniforms: Nike's creative budget must be running low since the only noticeable difference here is TCU's number font:

Meh. What's far more interesting than the unis, IMO, is the helmets that have lost the horned-frog stripe from front to back and replaced it with whatever this is:

That's ... like ... sweet? I'm neutral about the scale-type things but prefer the uber-purply purple to the last version, which was more subdued. Obvious observation: Anybody with purple helmets has some liberties not provided to Michigan/Notre Dame/Penn State.

STATUES STATUES STATUES: Auburn has some new statues. One of them is of Cam Newton, which I guess was inevitable once he won the Heisman and somehow got cleared by the NCAA (grumble grumble logic grumble). Anyway, these bronze things are about 150 percent of life size and weigh almost 2,000 pounds. I can't find an actual cost analysis, but The Auburn Plainsman estimates the price for each one at $100,000.

You're wondering where I'm going with this. Here it is: I'm amused that commemorating Cam Newton's awesomeness for all of eternity cost only half as much as Cam Newton himself.

That is all.

Trent Richardson is awesome: Just watch the video and beware of dustiness.


Again, Trent Richardson is awesome. Great story.