Thursday, September 29, 2011

Catching up is sorry for nothing in particular

Oh yeah, Texas A&M is headed to the SEC: A formality, obviously, since Baylor is more of a cuddly teddy bear than a legitimate legal threat. The move is set for 2013.

The only question now is who gets the glorious blessing from heavenly angels to be the SEC's 14th team. Mike Slive keeps saying nice things like it's "all been about Texas A&M" and there is "extreme satisfaction," but even the other relevant people in the SEC aren't buying it. Here's Tennessee athletic director Dave Hart saying "lol yeah that Slive is a funny guy":
"I think a lot of the conversation is just where we go from here, obviously, because at some point, 13 will not be the number," Hart told The Associated Press. "There are a multitude of components to this that we have yet to really delve into. We will do that in relatively short order, but it's very complex in nature."
So that's pretty straightforward. Anybody who says they know which team's next is lying since the discussion hasn't even happened yet, but there will be a next team. Nobody wants an unbalanced 13-team league that requires some sort of nonsensical and hard-to-figure out scheduling arrangement.

As for A&M, have fun being the third- or fourth-best team in the SEC West on an annual basis. At least nobody's pretending it's about anything other than money:
"We're so very pleased about the media markets available to the SEC and are now very happy to see Texas being a major part of that," Texas A&M president R. Bowen Loftin said.
For visual purposes, Loftin is the middle guy in this picture (which looks like something manifested straight from a Prevail and Ride MS Paint job):

That might be the whitest picture I've ever seen.

LSU might actually be getting better: Jordan Jefferson was supposedly headed for trial on felony assault charges stemming from that lovely bar fight right before the season, but his legal path abruptly changed course Wednesday when a grand jury knocked his charges down significantly. About seven seconds later, he'd been reinstated.

Jarrett Lee will allegedly remain the starting quarterback, but Miles is already talking about Jefferson getting at least some snaps in "every game," which isn't surprising since he was the clear-cut starter a month ago. The next four games should be pretty interesting; barring an epic effort from Florida, the real storyline will be the Jefferson-Lee thing (lol Confederacy) and whether either guy plays well enough to assume full control of the offense by the time SEC WEST ARMAGEDDON rolls around on November 5.

Possibly even more important: Russell Shepard came back against West Virginia and didn't really do anything (one catch for 16 yards), but his availability going forward is significant for an offense lacking guys other than Spencer Ware who scare anybody. Expect him to start getting regular Wildcat (or Wild Tiger or whatever LSU's dumb name for it is) snaps and screens and whatnot. He'll never be a dominant receiver -- he really should be doing the Denard Robinson thing in an offense that lets him do the Denard Robinson thing -- but give him the ball and he can do some pretty crazy stuff and make happy-time touchdowns.

Lol linebacker Heisman no: Charles Davis thinks Travis Lewis can win the Heisman. My response: mmmmkay. I appreciate your efforts, but if this guy ...

... didn't win the Heisman (and it wasn't even that close), Travis Lewis' chances are 0.0 percent. He has no sacks and no interceptions and doesn't do anything other than play linebacker. Just stop.

<a href="" target="_new" title="">Davis: Heisman Watch</a>

This is a really weird story: Ohio State running back/kick returner Jamaal Berry was hospitalized Saturday on campus after an "assault" on another student that reportedly started with him attacking the guy and ended with him on the ground having no idea what happened or who he was. Story:
The incident occurred Wednesday morning on the South Oval by Enarson Hall. No charges were filed, and while the victim's name was included in the police report, The Lantern has chosen not to name him. The report said the victim "sustained bruises on his neck from this event." The OSU police report listed the incident as an assault, a misdemeanor in the first degree, with use of weapons including "hands, feet, teeth.

At about 10:25 a.m., two males were witnessed "wrestling on the ground" in the South Oval, according to the police report. The primary witness is a university employee who declined to comment but said in the police report that Berry was muttering things such as "I don't know what is going on around me."

The report said Berry "appeared confused and disoriented and was unable to tell me his name."

The OSU police officer on the scene observed that Berry was "mentally unable to provide me with any of his emergency contact information," and Berry voluntarily went to the OSU emergency department.

This was at 10:25 a.m., and the report goes on to say that there was no alcohol involved (although there were apparently teeth involved in the assault). Meth is a hell of a drug. Freakin' bizarre.

Berry has a pretty limited role in the offense -- he has all of three carries for seven yards this year -- but he's a pretty good kick returner, and given OSU's currently awful offense, a few yards of field position isn't entirely insignificant.

In Mississippi, it'll always be 1954: Houston Nutt is probably nearing the end at Ole Miss. The students and alumni are actually NOT that excited about getting rid of Nutt but are pretty adamant about ousting athletic director Pete Boone, which has led to some pure Southern awesomeness:
Many are aware of anonymous, malicious and public attacks on athletics director Pete Boone. The Ole Miss family may not be aware, however, that as a part of this orchestrated campaign, I have received threats, promising that if I do not remove Pete Boone, "It is going to get real ugly," and threatening to expand the attacks to other athletics employees.
Here's the picture version -- you might notice that since bedsheets are no longer considered appropriate attire, they're not being used for other, similarly rebellious things:

You're so witty, bro.

At least Minnesota doesn't take itself too seriously: This is officially titled "Goldy Gopher has the Midas Touch." It's as completely ridiculous as it was intended to be. Watch it.

I have nothing to add here.

For no reason: A little background: Mike Gundy did something resembling a dance move after Oklahoma State beat Texas A&M last weekend. It was pretty awful:

Yeah ... 40-year-old men who are 40 shouldn't dance like that when they're 40. But by the grace of the internet, we now have the thing below. Just click it and enjoy.

You're welcome.

Harvey Updyke apologizes ... kind of: Just to be clear, Harvey Updyke is really sorry for "this," which may or may not (depending on his lawyers' level of diligence) be referring to the poisoning of the oaks at Toomer's Corner. Updyke, who's awaiting trial on various poisoning-related charges, called the Paul Finebaum Radio Network on Thursday to share his kinda-sorta apology with the "truly Auburn fans." But not the "haters." Obvsly.


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